The Journey I Wasn't Ready For

Small steps toward a dream journey.

Kotor, Montenegro

My first solo trip did not go according to plan. I canceled it as soon as I woke up that morning. I canceled the taxi that was supposed to take me to Boryspil Airport.

I had a ticket to Lisbon. I had been to Portugal many times before, but I had never traveled there alone. I felt afraid. I suddenly realized that I had never been responsible for an entire trip from start to finish. What would I do on my own? How would I solve problems? How would I communicate? What if something went wrong?

Today, I understand that back then I simply didn't know myself very well. I didn't yet have the experience that would have given me confidence that everything would be okay. I knew that I wanted to change that.

The problem was that I had planned my first solo trip to be too difficult. I should have started with something simpler. I already knew how to travel around Ukraine alone, so it had to be another country.

And for those who have never traveled alone even in their own country, this is probably the best first step toward solo travel around the world.

After I canceled the trip to Portugal, I just stayed in bed. There were not many tears, but there was a lot of disappointment in myself. I felt like I had let myself down.

Now I see that situation very differently. In fact, I could have been proud of myself even then because I had dared to dream about a solo trip. I had planned everything on my own and had almost dared to take that step. And most importantly, I did not give up. That day, I decided that I would learn how to travel alone no matter what. And that one day my solo trip to Portugal would definitely happen.

To begin with, I chose Turkey. A country I had visited before, but never on my own. I wanted to understand what it was like to be alone with myself in another country.

I ran in the mornings, worked out, filmed videos of my workouts on the balcony to the sound of roosters crowing, swam in the sea, explored new places, and gradually got used to the fact that there was no one beside me. I liked it.

The trip turned out to be much easier than I had imagined. I managed. And that small victory gave me confidence.

My next solo trip was to a country I had never visited before — Montenegro.

Kotor in Montenegro amazed me with its nature. It was there that I celebrated my birthday alone for the first time. I ran along the bay, filmed workout videos, and explored new places. I understood myself better and better. I already knew what places I liked. Where I liked to stay. How I wanted to spend my mornings. Which cafés I would choose myself. Which routes brought me the most enjoyment.

And most importantly, I felt good being alone with myself. That was when I felt that I was becoming ready for the trip I had once not dared to take. I began to trust myself as a traveler.

For some reason, it was very important for me to go to Portugal alone, to travel around the country by bus, to test myself — to see how well I would cope with a challenging route, discomfort, and whether I would enjoy it all. Whether it was truly my dream.

Sometimes we are not ready for our dream on the first try. And sometimes it is not even our dream. But the only way to understand that is to dare to try. And I tried.

Three years after that morning when I canceled my first solo trip to Portugal, I finally traveled around Portugal alone with just one backpack. That was also a victory because I used to bring a large suitcase with me to surf camps.

I visited Lisbon, Ericeira, and Peniche. I walked through familiar and new streets, drank coffee, ran along the ocean, filmed my workouts, caught waves on my surfboard, and found myself thinking that this had once been the trip I was most afraid of.

I think that on this journey I was truly proud of myself. There was a special feeling of joy: here I am in Portugal. Alone. And I feel good.

The strangest thing was that this trip had once seemed almost impossible to me. How could I have canceled that flight? But of course, back then I was a completely different person. Over those years, many things had changed. Not only the number of countries I had visited or the kilometers behind me. I had changed.

And that is probably the greatest value of travel. It helps us understand ourselves better, teaches us to trust ourselves, gives us a sense of freedom, and gradually builds confidence.

My journey to Portugal turned out to be longer than I had planned. But that is exactly why it became so valuable. Sometimes we are not yet ready for our dream. But that does not mean it will never come true.

Sometimes we simply need to give ourselves time to grow into it.

I'll tell you about my trip to Portugal and the things I never travel without next time.

Thank you for reading!

Kotor, Montenegro